We are wired for connection, but satisfying intimate relationships can be difficult to cultivate and also to maintain. Sometimes, interesting relationship opportunities might come along and they seem to start off great, but then somewhere along the way, the connection diminishes and there is a struggle to maintain a mutually satisfying relationship over time. For others, it might be hard to take the initial steps toward the possibility of fulfilling connection because they are not yet convinced they are worthy of being known or loved. .
If we can stay engaged in our own process, and honor our unique experience, we can begin to recognize what we might need to shift or change or heal so that we can strengthen our capacity to connect. This is important whether we are healing from some past hurt that keeps us stuck or we are working up the courage to take more emotional risks in life. If we are engaged in our own process, (even if we haven’t yet found the relationship we think we want) we are moving toward the direction of connection. When you reflect on your day, did you move closer or further away from connection? Did you move closer or further away from yourself? .
I love this excerpt from the Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner: . “Making a long-term relationship work is difficult business because it requires the capacity to strike a balance between individualism (the “I”) and togetherness (the “we”). .
The tugs in both directions are very strong. On the one hand, we want to be separate, independent individuals—self-contained persons in our own right; on the other, we seek a sense of connectedness and intimacy with another person, as well as a sense of belongingness to a family or group. When a couple gets out of balance in either direction, there is a problem.” 📷: @modernmft