‘Dear diary. Potentially broken hearted. So I had some news given to me today, news that I never actually expected to hear. I went to my review just hoping to talk about treatment resuming then bam. Strike to the heart. I knew that there was always a possibility of this type of news being given due to the treatment I was having, but I never thought it would happen to me. Not today anyway. “Your heart is functioning at 43%”. “What?! What does this mean? Is my heart failing? Is it life threatening?”.
I had so many questions, some of which were answered, others were not. I’ll need further testing, more waiting rooms, more hospital lunches, more scans, more results. I could potentially be on heart medication if the results confirm I have a heart function issue. Medication to help repair damage and then a break from my ‘security blanket treatment’ of Herceptin and Pratuzamab.
In all honesty, the first thought that popped into my head was “I’ll never be able to carry my own child when I’m ready to have kids. I’ll never be able to go into labour because I may die on the birthing table”. This was my immediate thought. Mad right. Not about cancer, not about treatment, it was about pregnancy ffs.
So I spent the afternoon walking under the umbrella in the beating rain. Avoiding puddles so that I don’t get my slip on loafers too wet and I ended up at a quiet dessert shop. Alone with my thoughts, thinking about how I can see the positives in this situation. And I did.
The positives are. The NHS are on it. My doctors are on it. There is going to be a plan, I know there is. Despite having a senior moment in the doctors office today, I mean I never expected ticker issues at 33 but then again, I never expected cancer either. So I’m rolling with the punches and taking it one day at a time. Because in the end, that’s all we can really do, keep on keeping on & keep on ticking on and keep on smiling’ - @kazfoncette #breastcancer #fuckcancer #cancercollective