I struggled last night.
It wasn’t a sobriety issue, save for a few moments where I wondered if that was all that would quiet my mind. I’m still sober.
Sometimes when you’re overwhelmed, sad, stressed, alone and every last piece of an emotion that can shroud you in a creeping fog kind of way, you break.
You’re talking yourself through all those little parts that are challenges but they just seem to be stacking atop each other and not exiting stage right once you’ve acknowledged their existence.
But then, there are things that hold us together when we’re falling apart. Those things that you wouldn’t notice with as much profound impact on days where everything feels a little smoother.
A child’s lego set, monuments of imagination. That remind you of the child who carefully constructed it, meticulous with the instructions. Who finds his peace in letting his mind tell a story he builds with his hands. It reminds you that your tiny dining room is full of legos; half done superhero worlds and basketball courts with the oddest of players. That if it were empty, it would seem far, far bigger than the tiny space you find cluttered when frustrated.
A flower in the window. Just one, in a small drinking glass with too much water. One white flower that your son (who typically blows through every space like a tornado) very carefully placed on the sill directed at the sun. The wildflower his friend gave him when he was sad because the butterfly he watched grow in class was set free and he was sure a bird would eat it.
Those are the things that stopped me in my tracks. That needed to stand out for me during a time when I needed it. There are survival skills that see us through basic needs, such as food and shelter. Then there are those survival skills that see us through the moments we don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. Those things that shine that light for us. We just have to pay attention.
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