Most of my heartache has come from my own refusal to accept reality, to accept that the person I loved could not be trusted. Again and again I suffered from disappointment, lies, gaslighting, stonewalling, emotional abuse and broken promises. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
And every time it happened I would hit an emotional bottom worse than the last, tears, anxiety, resentment, fear, fear, FEAR. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Never the less it would pass and hours or days later I would put the incident out of my mind, forgiving and forgetting and when the next kind words or promise was made I fell for it again without any hesitation thinking it would be different this time. ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’ve learned that I need to be in acceptance that someone I love cannot be trusted. I’ve also learned that acceptance doesn’t mean tolerating, it doesn’t mean I’m condoning it, it simply means that I am choosing to accept what is and trust myself. By accepting the situation and the person for what they are I can then make the choice as to what I want to do about it. ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Acceptance is the key to all my problems, in order to feel serenity I need to accept the things I cannot change because I want them to. I have to let them be exactly as they are. I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it and I definitely can’t cure it.