My dear sweet Makayla, I am writing to you once again because once again, I’ve been thinking too much. I share this piece of my heart here so that others may have a small glimpse of the way pain mixes with beauty in the most peaceful yet unnerving way. And if no one chooses to read these words, my dear sweet Makayla, I shall be sure that you see and that you know and I will simply be content in writing to all of eternity.
It is raining today! The sun is not shining so as to give me a day here and there where I may be comforted in the fact that the vast expanse of the sky is crying along with my silent, constantly-unseen tears.
It’s chilly outside. The wind disturbs any exposed skin and makes my thoughts wander back to the cold night I saw your beautiful resting face for the last time.
Makayla, there are days when I’d like to stand in the street and scream, “STOP!” I want life to stop at times so that I may just feel. Feel the loneliness. Feel sorrow that you cannot be here to share this life! But no, my dear friend. Life is rushing along...mixed with music and emotions and people and parties and faces and noises.
I listen to the wind, Makayla. It tells me where it has been, who it has touched...I listen for a hint of you and I always feel a deep emptiness when the wind does not bring me word of you.
I think about you often and hope that as I nurture somethings in this life....plants or a pet or a child or a heart, I may be a bit closer to you than if I was to simply keep breathing.
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