#nicumumguilt we all know mum guilt, but when you are juggling or pretty much made to feel like you're choosing and abandoning, it hits another level. .
You think the nurses are judging how much time you spend there. Our nurses are amazing and I'm sure they're not.. but I think are everytime I go home.
I have a 4 year old as well as the twins. Only one twin is in hospital. I'm lucky I can stay in his room with big twin, but this has meant a lot of time away from my eldest. .
When I leave the hospital, it's heartbreaking, my tiny boy is left on his own. Will they hear him cry, will they do anything if he cries? .
Seeing how excited my eldest gets when I'm there in the morning reinforces how absent I am. He's is entertained, my mum moved in with us when I went into labour and has been amazing, she has done everything for us and kepting our eldest entertained. I cant imagine how much more difficult this would have been without her. I have to spend time with him too and he needs to spend time with big twin. .
I am pulled, constantly, I'm exhausted, constantly. You're never all there, you're aware of who isn't getting you.
Big twin has been to 3 destinations other than home and hospital, they are a supermarket by the hospital, a park outside the hospital and a restaurant.
I cannot wait to have all my boys home so this pulling can stop. So I can be in one place.
If you are reading this because you are also in this position, dont compare yourself with the other parents you see on the ward. You know your own family, you know who needs your time and when. You know how much you love them all. You do your thing mama! .
And for husbands... well...🙈😂 #nicu #nicubaby #chdbaby #heartwarrior #twins #tetralogyoffallot #trachealesophagealfistula #mumguilt #nicumumguilt #twinkicksstory